I can’t Make this shit up!
Has this ever happened to you?
I recently had a friend go off on me. Not the usual “God, you are so fucking full of yourself, shut your pie hole and put my jeans back in the drawer!” kind of go off . . . well, yeah actually. THAT kind of go off.
He went off on me over the dinner table with other friends watching, eyes wide, jaws hanging, dropped in disbelief about some mindless thing that certainly didn’t warrant the level of contempt he showed at that moment (Contempt level: 9- akin to puppy kicking). It was as if weeks of bottled up nuclear-sized fury was being blasted at me from a cannon, the look on his face was absolute, searing hot loathing, with words plucked directly from the IWDBI-UNC (International World Dictionary of Belittling Insults and Unabridged Name-Calling).
I mean, it was a blast furnace of hate, and out of the freakin’ blue. The bastard hurt my feelings and I so badly wanted to tell him to shut the fuck up! Instead, I advised him to stop, repeatedly, and he conceded, growling and glaring at me like a junk-yard dog(thank you Jim Croce).
Why This, Why Now?
I learned in a “Personal Skills” class last night (wipe that surprised look off your face, it was a one-time thing) that there are two ways people can communicate conflict; Editing, and leveling, (well, three actually if you include vandalism)
Levelers speak their minds, say it how they see it, and express their expectations or their intentions clearly, establishing boundaries. An extreme leveler wouldn’t place much concern on how that message is delivered.
Editors are almost the complete opposite, they spend energy editing what they have to say to make sure it is graciously received by the subject. Sometimes this may go as far as to not deliver the message at all. “. . . Better left Unsaid” might be the ultimate editors mantra.
I believe my friends message could have been a little better edited to say the least. The message I got from him wasn’t necessarily that he thought of me as a fool, which he clearly did (and “fool” is a nice word, dropped in to replace the term he preferred to express from across the table), but that he despises fools with all of his being. That this specific incident has left him so bothered as to lash at me as a father lashes at his child for embarrassing him, or soiling the family name, has left me a bit un-nerved.
I can’t say this is the first time it’s happened, he’s a repeat offender, especially after a glass or two of wine. In the past it was easy enough to diffuse, and often times I felt a bit as if I caused or deserved it. I didn’t feel that way this time. It’s made me realize I need to rethink this friendship, and decide whether or not it’s serving me to be in it.
I haven’t decided yet which role to play, the editor or the leveler, or even if this post is a healthy way to handle how I feel right now. Don’t think I’ve ruled out vandalism either, that option is still on the table as well.
If he reads (which he rarely does) he might find this post offensive and call me to the floor about it, he might leave it alone and wait for my cue.
Regardless, there it is, and the first step for me in figuring out what to do with it. Regardless, I’m marking this day as the last one I’ll feel this way. We’ll either work it out, my friend and I, so that incidents like this one don’t happen again, or I’ll simply take my ball and go home.
Thanks for reading.
Nasty- Party of two? Your table’s ready!
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
