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The blog of the 30-something fag- May 2005-
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May 29th, 2005
Billy Cook Got Married!
 I arrived in Buffalo on Tuesday, May 24th, Bill picked me up and we went out to a local pub to catch up. Bill and I were best of friends in high school, and it's always been a kind of unspoken expectation that if either of us were ever to get married, the other would be there, if not as best man, at least as a groomsman.
Wally arrived on Tuesday, and the three of us went out for beer and a few games of pool, just like old times.
 After a week of drinking, recovering from drinking, eating and drinking some more, we finally attended a wedding at one of the finest restaurants in Buffalo, the Park Manor. The ceremony was a record 4 minutes long, we were quickly shuttled out for photos, we came back to the restaurant, I gave a brief toast. We dined, Bill handed out glass mugs with the groomsmens names on them, and I handed out the Cuban Cigars.
It was probably the type of evening that we had been expecting our entire lives. Bill's Dad Jim was smoking on his stogie, picking on me about some of the larger, older and less sophisticated women who were itching to take me back to their hotels. Wally laughed, presented examples of how he thought I was considering the offers presented, and Bill walked outside and into the conversation, cluelessly trying to figure out what the hell we were all talking about. It was so great to hang out, get razzed by, and feel the comradery of the first circle of men I ever felt comfortable being with. The first circle outside of my family that I ever felt like I was a member of.
I hadn't seen Bill's Parents Jim and Pat in 14 years, and I under estimated how great it would feel to be back in that fold again.
Feedback to this article HERE
Not "Goodbye" but "See you Later"
This morning I had breakfast with Bill's Parents Jim and Pat Cook.
We said our goodbyes standing outside in the parking lot, Jim's Chevy truck idling with Pat, their daughter Teddy in the back, grandaughter Caroline safely strapped in the child seat. We stood there for a minute, Jim and I, speechless, lingering in the last seconds of this extraordinary moment, neither of us willing to be the first one to break the gazes, ushering away the event, the great feeling of 'Being with",after so long of "Not Seeing You".
I wish I could have captured every conversation last night, where Jim and Pat referred to me as "Family" as one of the kids they raised, as a thrid son, as a good friend. I must admit, when their daughter Teddy married my cousin Jack, I had no idea how good it would feel knowing that Jim and Pat's Grandaughter was a Thesier.
Family indeed.
I assured them all that I would see them in August, when my nephew(s) and I make our cross-country road trip south to the Carolinas, Mississippi, and all.
It wont be another 14 years before I break bread with those Cook's again, no, it'll be soon, and it'll be good to see them again, and again. After all, we're family.
Feedback to this article HERE
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May 29th, 2005
Heading West
After a whirlwind of 23 whopping days on the road, I'm finally heading back to Los Angeles, to unpack my bags, sleep in my own bed, be with my partner, and do a marathon 3 days of re-training for the AIDS/Lifecycle ride~ I leave for San Fran on Thursday- No rest for me, well, some, but not much.
The wedding was a sensation, I had a ball, lots of images to share, many new friends and such. All will be posted soon, just not now.
I'm in the Southwest terminal at The Buffalo airport, getting ready to board. Consider yourself temporarily updated.
More to come . . . stand by . . . .
Feedback to this article HERE
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Wally and Jim, enjoying their Cuban Stogies like Real Men!
Blogging from the road, as usual
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May 23rd, 2005
Wrapping it up.
I'm currenttly dispatching this blog from 32,000 feet, while listening to Harry Scherer's "le Show", that I downloaded for podcast via KCRW.com and the help of my ipodderx software.
In this weeks edition, Harry reads an article from a newspaper in London that reports the State department admitted quietly that the number 3 terrorist of Al Queda, that the New York Times reported had been captured by U.S, forces was in fact NOT the number three guy under Osama Bin Laden, but rather , just among the lesser members of the Al Quada terrorist group. Seems they got a little excited believing he was a higher deputy, who shares the same name, but with a slightly different spelling. This news report however has not quite broken through the U.S. media, leaving most Americans to believe that the U.S. force is making serious headway in the search for Osama, and in fact, just two levels away from his interception. The American media seems to like the idea that Ammericans currently believe the current administration efforts are "Right on Osama's Heels" and just a short time away from his capture. In fact, we are not much closer to finding Osama Bin Laden than we were at the begining of the war on terror, following 9/11.
Ron and I got all the business done that we intended to do, with one or two days to spare for relaxation. it's good to come here, I get to spend time with Ron, show some face, get in some intense workouts and get all the stress off of my shoulders. it truly is a great place for rest and relaxation.
Feedback to this article HERE
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May 18th, 2005
Dom Days
 Ed and I took the day off and decided to go out and see if we could find the film crew for the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie that being filmed here on the Island of Dominica. Some friends of ours are playing extra pirates in the film (Including Frederick, the terribly tall french owner of a local wine shop and corner cafe here in Roseau)
With very little work, we found the beach where the famed "Black Pearl" Pirate ship was moored, as well as the yacht that Johnny Depp is using as his private quarters during filming. On the far side of the Island, in a hamlet called Calibishi, we found them just inside the jungle, filming around what looks like the giant wheel of an old mill. We never figured out what the wheel was for, I guess we'll have to wait to see the movie.
Feedback to this article HERE
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May 17th, 2005
My Own Private Hummer
 While working in my office/suite I heard an almost inaudible "Thump" against my window, and looked to see a small hummingbird lying face down on the deck.
Thinking he was dead, I went out to pick it up and take a pic- Then it came back to life. I took a few snaps before the thing started buzzing it's wings, and before I knew it- he took off. Ron wasn't happy to see this thing flying around the office. After hitting the glass again- I was able to pick him up and get him back outside. Overall it was a nice visit. I'm beginning to wonder just how many fantastic experiences with nature I'm due to have while I'm here. Every other minute is a Kodak moment.
Feedback to this article HERE
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May 17th, 2005
Being Bested
A friend of mine from high school, who I have not seen since I crashed his dorm room at Texas Tech back in the early nineties, has called me out of the blue and asked me to be in his wedding party.
He asked me to rise to the ocasion and take the position as the Best man.
"You are my oldest and dearest friennd Thomas" He said over a cracklng phone line,". . .and quite likely the only one who can talk me out of this!"
I'm honored, really, to oblige. I had three good friends in High school, and this will be the third time I have been asked to play the role. I'm flattered and terribly terribly pleased with myself.
I leave Dominica on Monday, arrive in Buffalo on Tuesday, and spend the week with Bill, his fiance Laura, and Wally-who hosted my last gig as B.M. at his wedding in 2003. Bill tells me that If I do a good job, he'll let me be the B.M. at his next wedding . I'm researching short jokes(He's 5'5") and writing down every embarrasing memory I have of him so my speech at the dinner is both honest and embarassing, as well as entertaining.
Feedback to this article HERE
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May 16th, 2005
L.A.City tax, Mayor Hahn, and the SWG
A recent letter from the City of Los Angeles informed me that I need to get a permit and pay taxes for doing business in the city of Los Angeles.
I did some research and found that the Screen Writers Guild has lawyers fighting this tax reform thing(apparently the 'crackdown" is new as of 2000) and now they're happy to tell their people that they don't have to pay the tax at all if they earned up to 300khttp://www.wga.org/pr/1204/city121304.html
Yes, that's 300,000 dollars in a year. Does the President of the United States earn that much? Apparently, he earns $400k, but the VP earns less than 300k.
I barely grossed 35k, and I'm getting slammed for taxes back to 2002.
So some people who have a strong lobby, do a creative business in their homes to create a product to sell and make a living don't have to pay the city tax, when others who do not have a lobby cannot get out of it.
Hmm, something seems unfair here . . . . wish I had a lawyer.
Feedback to this article HERE
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May 15th, 2005
If you love me, don't read this . . .
I was working out in the garage with Ron on Friday, talking about anything and everything, and I saw a case of Kubuli beer up against the wall. It reminded me that this beer is one of the most popular searches in my hit tracker (yes, I'm reading you too people, and who-ever you are reading this blog from Portugal? Welcome!).
I started to tell him all about how interesting I found that an obscure beer from a small Island in the Caribbean [not even exported, can you believe that?] would be researched so heavily from obscure parts of Europe and Ron looks at me and asks "What's a Blog?"
Within a few minutes he was completely updated and asked for the URL so he can check it out. That's nice, and after the workout I immmediately raced back to my room, logged on and updated everything I had ever written about Ron going back to September of 2003.
Here-in lies my problem: When my friends find and read the blog, many will call me to correct the small details that they found particularily important, but omitted or inacurate, in my references to THEM. Take Pedro- After reading the ENTIRE blog one day, he calls me and says "I wasn't coming off a relationship with the Jew-boy! I was coming off a relationship with the Latino" As if my readers give a flying fish.
Many of my closest subjects people give no creedence to how much more fun and interesting the writing is if I lie embellish the details a little bit with some witty banter, some invented nuances or occasional exaggerations [ I like to call it color ]
Now I'm finding that because more and more of my people are reading my blog, that my material base is drastically shrinking. I'm running out of people to mock, poke fun at, rat-on, bitch and complain about. For example, my boyfriend BANG one person who shall remain nameless reads every update, seriously depriving you, ( the reader )of hours of delight with witty banter, and clever conversation. He is just one example of the countless people I could, but cannot, write about in a creative way.
Without my people I have little to write about and would quickly be reduced the the mindless dribble of day-to-day ramblings. Shopping for toiletries, conversations with the UPS guy, techniques for getting gummy dogshit off your shoes. I want to say "C'mon people, snap out of it! Without your hijinx you'll be sending my readers into a mindless vacuum of boring blog hell. Nobody wants that."
So if you see your name in my blog, and you notice I mention a moment that might be a little off(ok, all-out wrong) pretend for a moment that you're reading a book, and the characters in this book are fictional. Any resemblance to actual people or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
I really don't believe this solves the problem, because no one in my circle would believe this rule actually applies to them- but hey, I said it.
Now on with the show.
Feedback to this article HERE
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If you know me, and you've been
diagnosed as a neurotic drama-princess,
or if your demeanor in any way resembles the hyperactive emotional spider-monkey from the seventh circle of Dante's inferno, I'm going to talk about you.
Just so you know . . .
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May 12th, 2005
Luna Tunes
 I'm back on my Island of Dominica once more, and it's heavenly.
Ed's out of town until Saturday, so I'm here to take care of his little dog Luna, who I found shrinking in my bathtub as if at the spa, sadly waiting for the facial that never came.
I went to take her for a walk and found her MOST uncooperative, so I did what Ceasar Milan would do and I put her leash on her, and showed her who is boss.
She got the hang of it quickly and soon was obeying every command I could throw at her. She stopped when I said stop, sat, and put out her hand, she even made a decent sandwich- Go Luna!!
When I took her leash off, however, she let me know in few words, like most dogs, what she thinks of me. If she had a middle finger she'd would have waisted no time in showing it to me, and went straight back into the tub refusing to emerge for anything short of a pork roast or leg of lamb.
She hunched down near the drain and sulked, pouting in that her Daddy was out of town, so I tried to embarrass her out by putting a shower cap on her and referring to her as 'Claw-deen'. When this did nothing to encourage her to leave I began to sing the entire score from 'H.M.S. Pinafore" at the top of my lungs while balancing on the toilet seat. She eventually grew tired of my shenanigans and skuttled out the door to her cage.
Thank God, in 5 minutes I was going to do her up like Farrah on Acid, and I hardly brought enough makeup for myself.
Tomorrow perhaps.
Feedback to this article HERE
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May 11th, 2005
In The Air Again . . .
Ron and me heading out |
I dropped off Bang at JFK, our last flight together for this vacation was the leg from Syracuse, and we said our goodbyes at Gate number 9. Gate number 10 took me to San Juan, to meet Ron and head over to the El San Juan hotel for dinner.
I orderd the Shrimp in pinot grigio and got back what looked like 6 baby lobsters. They're supposed to be small, that's why they call them 'Shrimp". Not here. If these things were alive they could have eaten me. The wine was so good I felt guilty drinking it- Guilty! Can you imaging getting a reaction like that out of a bottle of wine? The waiter watched me and knew all the proper techniques in picking on me. He saw my first taste of the wine, and offerd me some rum instead. I didn't get it, but Ron did, and explained it to me. It's a good thing I don't take myself too seriously. In a fine restaurant like this one, I'm clearly the kid in Disneyland. Food is God.
 While Ron was enjoying spending the equivelant of a Southern California mortgage payment on the craps table, I wandered off to gawk at the beauty that is The El San Juan.
I took comfort when I noticed that the marble-clad restrooms in the lobby of this magnificent hotel had the exact same Delta fixtures that Bang picked out for our bathroom.
I was drunk, so of course I had to call and tell him all about it. He was underwhelmed.
Meanwhile, my room at the Best Western(Thanks Pam) had the tiniest LCD television ever created bolted to the wall at the foot of my bed.(I figured out why it was bolted on, the damn thing could easily fit in any purse) I now understand why there were binoculars on the nightstand.
I was so glad to see the latest episode of West Wing(I was missing it) but it I could not understand a word for it was dubbed in Spanish.
Why?
So an incredibly tiny Martin Sheen(smaller than usual) prattled on like a Tijuana DJ, waving his arms and rolling his eyes. I found the controls for subtitles in other languages, switched it to English and grabbed the binoculars to practice my speed reading.
No sleeping pill this night, I was out before the first Frito's commercial
Feedback to this article HERE
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The Lobby of the El San Juan,
or a Disney set for the
Beauty and the Beast Movie?
You Decide . . .
My etch-a-sketch has a bigger screen
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May 9th, 2005
You're Fired!
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Which Way to the
Clan Meeting? |
As usual, none of us could stay away from the fire ring after the sun went down.
My sister Pecia brought out an extra guitar, and we played every song we knew.(Both of them)
All the nephews were there, and Mom & Dad watched from the safety of the house as David made Bang a S'more, and Race poked at the fire with a stick.
He comes from a long line of fire pokers, and he learned from the best.
Once he had his poker deep into the hot coals, he suddenly dragged it out, one end flaming like a drag-queen and made a wide swing towards Bang's face, narrowly grazing his cheek, and providing us with the opportunity for this outstanding Kodak moment.
It was only when Bang calmed down and stopped crying that he was able to see the true artistry of this stressful moment. We all stared at the tiny camera LCD in awe . . .
Race will have his or someone elses eye out before he makes the first grade,
I guaran-damn-tee it!
Feedback to this article HERE
May 7th, 2005
Last night Bang and I enjoyed the first night in the Butterscotch House B&B and it was delightful, mostly because of the hot tub and cold drinks we brought with us.
We cannot rave enough about this place. The breakfast's were gourmet, the hosts were fun and warm and charming, even the other guests we're fun, interesting and unique.
This proved to be the smartest part of our trip. The best place I've ever stayed where the hosts weren't related to me Check them out, they have a website .
In the morning we drove to Carthage to pick up the parents and escort them to the Church.
Bang snapped of a few photos and I Helped Dad on with his Gold jacket.
We all headed off to the church to witness a reenactment of my parents first leap of faith, the wedding. It was a real emotional event, especially when we heard Dad choking on his vows.
Damn, everybody lost it at that point.
Not a dry eye in the house.
Say hello to the 'Rents- Richard and Ruthie
Feedback to this article HERE
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Me and Pyro-Baby
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Nephew Jonathon, gettin
a fire-pokin' lesson
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Shacking up with Family . .
The only Gay owned and operated
Bed &Breakfast north
of the New York State Thruway.
MY DAD
They tell me I look like him . . .
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May 6, 2005
New York State of Mind . .
 Bang and I took the JetBlue red-eye to JFK on Tuesday, and dropped down in the big apple to play tourists for a couple of days.
We arrived at 5:50 a.m (never doing THAT again) 3;50 L.A. time.
Check in at The Time hotel on 6th and 49th was 3 p.m., so we needed to find a place to hang until the bars opened. After a formal designation as "homeless" we found a quiet bench in a remote part of central park, and settled down for a little nap to try to catch up on the sleep we were missing. Jet lag's a bitch!
 Then it was the Museum of Contemporary art, where we found my camera on display in the "Innovative Design Award" exhibition- kewl. We lunched at the Moca Cafe the day they decided to write it up in the NY Times, we felt so ahead of the curve for that. it was great.
The Time hotel is cute, as many small things are, but I am not complaining at all. For what we paid, we could have been in the Best-Western at the airport. Instead we stayed in a room that boasted "An Economy of Space".The designers here could make a cardboard box look roomy. I could not have been happier.Just like camping in the VW Vanagon.
First night we saw Hairspray- The Musical- loved it!
 Second day we shopped like mothers after thanksgiving, and at night we saw an off-broadway show called 'Slava's Snow Show". It should be renamed "Slow Show" at times, but had a big ending. Several clowns, no words, and a rubber-chickenload of floppy-shoed silliness.The audience was in a continuous state of delight. Bring a shovel.
 Today Bang and I are on a train, the Adirondack Express, or the Hudson River line, I forget. We're headed 5 hours north to Syracuse to pick up our rental car, then drive 2 more hours to our B&B in Lowville(pronounced Lau- Ville) where we'll recieve further instructions. Sounds like an amazing race episode, huh?
We're here to take part in the festivities surrounding my parent's 50th wedding anniversary. Starts with a Catholic mass tommorow, then a big party at The Sahara restaurant in Fargo. Fun Fun Fun.
Feedback to this article HERE
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Central Park's Newest Installation.
Elephants in Designer Diapers
You cant go to new York
and NOT see a show. That's be just silly.
Like going to the zoo and skipping the animal part and going straight
to the cafeteria.
The Time, but not the Space
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May 2, 2005
Houston, we have a lavatory
 After much Hoopla, and a formal designation as a disaster scene by the Governor(Thank you Arnold!) we have finally got the bathrom to a stabilized state. She is ready to recieve guests.
For a sample of the full catharsis, roll over the photo above and get the full before and after affect.
Feedback to this article HERE
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For a better idea of how far we've come, click on this link to see an album of the construction process.
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Mayday
It's starting to look more normal around here.
After a Marathon month of doing nothing but making messes with drywall, tools all over the place, tile crud(and I have a lot to talk about with tile crud) and a seemingly unending case of tendonitis(and thats all the health issues I will talk about here)- we seem to be getting our lives back at Casa Del Sol De La Mañana.
Today, Sunday May 1st, Bang and I spent the day pulling weeds that have been overlooked, trimming hedges that have been ignored, cleaning up extreme messes that we have grown weary of passing over, and putting away so many new and interesting tools, (many we may never use again) that we're considering opeing our own True Value Home Center. All I need is a red vest and an apron and I'll be wandering the aisles mumbling "Can I help you find something specific 'er lookin' fer?"
The bathroom is in the first stage of perpetual dis-finishing.I've taken it to the level of "functioning", so by holding true to the legacy left me by a family of engineers, handymen and contractors, I will be handling the finishing touches of our bathroom project a little at a time for the rest of my life.( Towel racks scheduled to be installed sometime in 2008).
Seriously, the closing of the project will happen after I return from my month long travel out of the country, and then all of you will be invited to come over and take a look, a pee, or a shower.
About that Fundraiser: as you can tell from the header photo, Jaybird looked quite sharp as our friendly family bartender. It was a big success and Jay really made the night. He looked great in his tux, so I had to snap this image of him.
Thanks again Bird for the terrific cocktails and the charming personality!
Feedback to this article HERE
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