The blog of the thirty-something fag- February 2006 Edition


February 25th, 2005,

You call this homesick?
The deck has been complete for over a month and I have spent a total of three hours on it. Hopefully I'll have some warmer temps when I get back top L.A., because so far I'm not going out there for anything outside of grilling on the weber, and even that requires a Fred Segal Parka and Ugh boots.
Brrrr

Disbatch from the Caribbean . .
I'm in Dominica, W.I. today, building a "House for Sale" website for Ron and Pam. Looks like this may be my last visit to Dominica, if all goes as planned. Ron is selling the Chateau Neu du Pape and moving off the Island. Hopefully the images I collect, and the data I post will bring in interest, and provide Ron with the multi-million dollar pricetag he's asking for.
So far I'm just sitting here waiting for it to stop raining so I can get some decent images. On the couch, feet up, wine glass poised patieently beside me, middle of a sunday afternoon. This is work for me people, no-really.
Wanna see the pics so far?

Click here


Last night Ron hosted friends from next door, Mr. and Mrs. Alan Bunting, who came and enjoyed fine french wine, fresh lobster (HUGE lobster!) and clever conversation until midnight or so. I played my role, I set the table, charmed the wife, made sure Mr. Bunting always had a fresh Kubuli and performed my best 60's and 70' folk-guitar medley's for them on the veranda until we were faced with a choice to either open more wine bottles, or call it a night.

Remember the old days when there wasn't a choice?

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February 17th, 2005,

The Swing of things

I've been back one week and already I have done more, seen more and accomplished more that I did while I was in New York for 10 days. Maybe because all I could get done in New York was eat, shop and pound down a six-pack of Mike's Hard Lemonaide daily.

I take that back- my sister Michelle and I got Wal-Mart to install a revolving door for us. We shopped enough to give corporate headquarters a real inventory crisis, Did you see their their stock blip briefly on Wednesday afternoon? That was us.

It's amazing how much easier it is to shop when the megaplex is less than a mile from your home. We could have walked there from her house if it wasn't 2 degrees below zero outside. I sent their three senior-citizen door greeters cards from L.A.already, you know the ones "Weather is Here, Wish you were Beautiful . . . "

Snow on the Mountains this morning, feels like it's following me . . . .
Since I have been back I have been to 2 parties, had dinner with friends twice, played 6 games of Raqquetball, fixed the gate, walked the dogs appprox. 5 miles, road my bike about 32 miles, invented a disposable kitty litter box and a retractable tie rack called "The Tie-D Box".

Something about Southern California makes me fee productive . . . .

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February 14th, 2005,

HONEY, I'M HOME!
I made it back to my cozy little home in one piece, I say that because I should have been in 2 pieces, me and my luggage, which went to Orlando for Spring Break.

Perhaps it will apear in a Luggage Gone Wild Video- oh the shame . . .

It always surprises me how the ticket agent will tell you that because of the storm no flights are going to Florida What-so-Ever, and yet my luggage happened to arrive on time.The first flight attendant that can explain that one to me gets a gold star and slightly used set of Samsonite Travelmaster bags.

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February 12th, 2005,

The guy you love to hate.

I woke up this morning in the dark, and before my alarm went off.
"How nice", I thought, "I have a few to minutes to sn . " BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Vince had coffee made and I drove the van to the local station to gas it up before we left for JFK. Bang told me last night that NYC was getting hammered with a winter storm, so I might be delayed a bit. Like the schmart guy I am, I checked the flight status before we left for Syracuse, and we're a "go!"

They didn't actually tell anyone JFK was closed in NYC until we were all on board the plane with our seatbelts fastened and our bladdy blah yaddy yaddy to the full upright postion.
"Delayed" they said, "but don't worry, we'll keep you posted."
After the first hour, they brought us pizza.
After the third hour, they notified me that my flight to Orlando has been completely and utterly cancelled(Thank you for all the prayers)
The strange thig- They were already overbooked for all flights to Florida, worst of them, to Orlando, and the earliest flight they could guarantee would be Thursday.

The ticket agent looked quite confused when telling me this, to see a grinch-like smile snake across my face. I was actually pleased, I want to go home.
I'm rerouted from JFK when if it opens to Burbank.
So I get to revel in the idea that I'm the only guy on this plane that is happy about my predicament. Feel free to hate me, fellow passengers, I'm actually fine with all this inconvenience. Besides, it's saved me a ton of money.

There is a lot of sspeculation that JFK will not open back up today, which would mean

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February 11th, 2005,

Getting Plowed, or Plower power

I call Vince my brother-in-law though technically, he's not really. He's dating my sister, but I assume, with the way he feels about her, that they'll prolly(Carthage word, look it up) get married some day, and since there's no legal term for the connection one has to a siblings fiancé, I'll call him my "Brother-in-law in the future."

While my family dozed lazily on their Saturday afternoon, my brother-in-law in the future Vince took me for a ride in a snowplow. The Village of Carthage has 2 of them, and he dragged one out of the village barn and took me for a plow-ride down the back roads.
Don't ask me why, but I always assumed the first ride I took in a snowplow would be at 4:30 a.m., and it would be snowing.

Unfortunately, partly being due to the fact that I don't do 4:30 a.m. well, this plow-ride took place with blue skies, and shortly before 4:30 p.m.

It was a hoot, and firmly placed a good old-fashioned cap on my wintery Northern New York trip for 2006. I have officially gone home,

Tommmorow I leave for Florida to visit my Parents, pray for me.

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February 10th 2006

What doesn't kill us, makes us walk funny

Today I kidnapped my Sisters, Michelle and Pecia, and took them to Snow Ridge for a fun-filled day of downhill skiing and enjoying the great outdoors.

Now for some, the idea of seeing a sibling or loved one go up the mountain on a ski lift, and come down wrapped in blankets and towed on a tobaggon seems a little frightening, or un-nerving.
When it comes to my Sisters, it's an event that, with a tiny bit of forethought could have been predicted.

I have to be careful not to make an event look too much like "All About Me" if I can help it, because Michelle will do her best to steal my thunder if she gets the chance. I thought we were over this phase of our adolescence, but apparently not. This girl can keep a game going until the next ice age, and sibling rivalry is nothing compared to the competitions for the limelight my sister and I have embattled. She would throw herself in front of a Greyhound™ bus screaming "Ooops-a-daisey!" the get the attention off of me, and back onto her. Today she decided to fling herself down a mountain. Daring, I'll give you that. Careless? perhaps, but very effective.

Could we at least put some miles on this lift ticket?
Before the first run was over, halfway down the first hill, Michelle's left ski fell off (a likely story), and she went down, seriously twisting the crap out of her right knee. I stood at the bottom of the hill, looking for my sisters, and wondering what idiot was so damaged as to cause a crowd to form halfway up that hill. Then it hit me, it was My idiot.
Withing minutes the red cross on snowmobiles went zinging up the hill, and in a short while, she was sliding down the hill on her back reveling in the fact that all eyes were once again on her.
The Snow Ridge crew carrried her into the lodge, and doted on her with pain killers, ice and first aid until I was ready to vomit, all the while with that "Please Don't Sue Us" look on their faces.
She's limping pretty bad today, and it's almost impossible to pick on her because I feel so bad.

I said "Almost"

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February 9th, 2005,

Wanna buy a map to the stars homes?

I saw something this morning that I've never seen before, and it reminds me of all the things I take for granted.
Pecia called me at 7:30 to tell me she was driving down the river road and the scenery was beautifful. "'Photo Op!" she chirped into my voicemail, "But it wont last long!!"
I feverishly scanned the house for the keys to the minivan (yes, visiting my sister helps me fulfill my soccer-mom fantasies) and grabbed the camera and headed out to see what she saw.

Pecia was right, the river was beautiful, the trees were encrusted(I learned that word from the food blog I visit, bloghungry) with ice, steam was floating off the water, the entire scene was magical. I snapped some images from the shore and realized, hey! I've never done this before!
Not that I've never taken pictures, or even been moderately entranced by the beauty of the river, just never the two together, and certainly never in the winter. I felt like I was in a brand new place, never before seen. A woman who lived in the house where I parked peered out at me through her curtains, grumbly watching me. If it wasn't so cold I'm sure she would have come out and asked me to get the hell out of her driveway.
I looked lke a tourist, and I didn't mind. I live in Los Angeles, fer Chris' sake- it's my turn!

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February 6th, 2005

My Kingdom for a chapstick!
O.k. Snow Fairies, I've had enough!
I made a huge mistake when I left the office last week, I told the PTB(Powers that Be) where I was going.

Each day they have given me a list of MUST DO IMMEDIATELY's that threaten to eat up my entire day.
Things like "Deliver the Book electronically to the printer for Publishing Immediately!"
Sheesh, How am I suppposed to get in any day-time TV if I have to WORK all the time?.

How Snow can make you younger
The snow was so fantastic the first few hours. Now it's just annoying. Yesterday I helped Vince, (My sisters neighbor/boyfriend) shovel his driveway. The driveway of the house I grew up in, and haven't shoveled(can you believe I have the time to figure out this math) in 18 years. So Theoretically, I lived there for 18 years, and I haven't shoveled there in 18 years, that would make me . . . 36. O.k., I'll take that.
That entire concept of shoveling must have come about before fun, because it's really not. It's cold and wet and my lips are burning from the dry air in the house. Has anyone ever died of chapped lips? Mine are on their death-bed. My lips are pouty because they hurt and no one cares.(Insert several random lip-related quips here)

The Internet made me do it.
I have switched hotels and dragged my Louis Vitton luggage over to my OTHER sisters house to hang here for the remainder of my stay. Reason? None other than WiFi. Michelle's DSL kept dragging, on for one minute and gone the next.
Pecia's is strong and reliable, and if I'm going to have to work on my VaKay- I'm going to need a strong signal. So for that reason, and a considerale drop in the teenage population, I will be crashing on North Washington st. so I don't have to keep an eye on my stuff. Has anyone seen my Isotoner gloves?

News of the strangely personal
I slept in my childhood bedroom last night. It was only weird in that I dreamt I was a teenager again, and all my old friends were around. I saw David Exford walking into the house across the street, brushing his teeth. I invited him in to see my new office, which happened to be my sisters house.

Anyone want to interpret that one for me?

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February 8th, 2005

Be careful what you wish for
I got in to Michelle's late late on Thursday night or Friday morning, and I'm tickled about her new house. It's missing some window treatment, smells vaguely of cat and is cold enough to store meat, but it's Soooo . . . . . .charming!

The first thing I noticed upon my arrival into Lewis county was the complete and total lack of culture ways out snow. I came here hoping to spend some time in the white stuff, but none was to be seen. My nephew Andrew promised me some Lake Effect by

3 p.m. Sunday 9 a.m. Monday
Tuesday, so I've kept my eyes open. Sure enough, last night it came down like kittens, and this morning I got up early to witness the downfloat.
I won't use corny terms like "Winter Wonderland", it was more like a Hollywood Hills coffee table after the Academy Awards. (Too Much?)

How much is too much?
3 feet in 4 hours, somewhat of a record I would think, and enough snow to close schools, banks, Wal-marts™ and the local ski resort.(The Bath houses remain open, with a 2 hour delay) I was so happy, until I had to go out in it to shovel out the car. 2 minutes in the cold wet stuff, and I did a retreat for the house and dragged my personal slave nephew out of bed and made him carve me a path. "You're used to it!" I rationalized "I have thin California blood!" He resisted and I threatened to take back the iPod™ Nano I bought him, and that was enough. I love being an asshole Uncle. These kids are great!


Going Snowboarding on Thursday!

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February 2nd, 2005

O.k., let's pretend for a sec that January didn't happen . . .
I know it's been a while. Forgive me, I've been . . . not here.
Some have suggested perhaps I've been in the hospital, others- incarcerated.
The fact is less fun than fiction, I've been working. A boring project with a gravity so intense not even light particles can escape it's pull, to talk about it in detail to anyone but other graphic designers would cause a tear in the fabric of space time, so I will not begin to burden you with the details. Suffice to say, I'm back in the game, with the free time necessary to blog for you, and for myself once again.

The good news is that when I get that busy there is also very little to blog about- therefore you didn't miss much. Here are the hi-lights:

The deck be Done!
2 months to plan it, 6 months to come up with the money, 6 weeks to get a contract, and in 14 days of actual building. Now we're walking on it with Modelo Negros in hand and it's about damn time. More photos to come soon but trust me, it's beautiful, truly.

The next part is the French Doors.


Yes, there was a plan . .
The plan was to have a nice deck with french doors(freedom doors for the red states) from the dining room installed and painted in time for a funfilled night celebrating my birthday(January 25th-thanks for the card!)
If I had started this process a day later, I wouldn't have made it.

The walls were removed Friday, Jan 20th- and no doors delivered until the actual birthday!
We dined in a space that felt a lot like camp- or a garage, with the bare studs and tar paper showing, bare window framing exposed and the musty smell. We made the best of it by complaining and drinking a lot.

Did somebody order some doors?
They came on a truck, and I was so proud, felt like I bought myself a present. I am struggling with the desire to spill my preverbial beans and tell you that we spent over $4000 on these custom-made double paned solid doors with oak sill and side lights. The doors were being installed on Wednesday but a lot of work needed to be done, and could not be done in one day. It was pretty scary- but they were finished in time for the party.

So far, 40 feels a lot like a hangover
 We had 2 parties- one on my birthday proper at Gauchos Village in Glendale, and the second one Saturday night at the house.

We drank a lot on Wednesday night. The staff at Gauchos made sure I had a good time and kept the wine flowing. I got pretty deep into the pinot, and we cracked some champagne on the new deck at the house after. In the morning my sisters, my friends and my clients all called and asked me how 40 felt. It wasn't feeling good.

On Saturday Morning Luis came and painted the walls of the bath, the halls, the master bedroom, the office and the spaces in the dining room where the new walls were installed. Bang and I shopped for the food and spirits early, and spent the rest of the dat cleaning and cooking. By the time the first round of guests showed up, the paint was dry, the food was hot, the beer was cold and we had a very good time, the house looked fabulous!

Why parties are different in your forties
No one got drunk and made an ass of themselves, no one freaked out because their boyfriend looked at someone else, there were no cokeheads monopolizing the bathroom, the police never showed up and everyone left smiling . it was as grownup as one could get. I suppose this is a good thing, but I wonder what I did wrong.


The Day After
 Have you ever had one of those experiences where incredibly stressful events in your personal life, your work, and your social life, all converge to a header all at the same time? The weird part is when it's all over.
In this case, it was my work (we finished the final rounds of editing on the new book- The Art of Original Thinking) The deck project, and the Big-Four-Oh party, all coming together at once, and consequently, all ending at the same time too.
I woke up Sunday and all was pleasantly quiet.
We met some friends for brunch, sat in the sun outside and ate, drank coffee, read the sunday paper and generally just hung out. Conversation happpened but I wasn't a big part of it because all I felt I had to talk about was the deck, the party or the job. That's all I have been living for the past month and a half. It was ice to just sit, be still, and enjoy the peace of nothingness. It was a much needed day off.

Now I'm on a plane to NY, (JetBlue Long beach to JFK) a birthday present from Bang to me, to see my family and spend the time with them. I didn't get to visit much last summer because I was too busy working in the RV to really hang out and have fun. I vowed to make it up to them, and to myself. I will be working much less on this trip and playing much more. I thnk after all this time, I deserve it.

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Click to see " Plow-The Movie!"
For the safety of others, for my own personal amusement and Michelle's total embarassment, check out the action shot's from our own Hell's Basement Gimp Cam!