The blog of the thirty-something fag- June Edition 2007
June 30th- 2007
Visual effects by such names as Motorola, LG and Nokia
Can an event ever be "Too Gay"?

If you want to do something that is queerer than the Provincetown Farmers market, try not to miss the annual Hollywood Bowl Sound of Music Sing along. I'd never even seen the movie(tell that to a Hollywood lovin' fag and watch him suck all the oxygen from a three-mile radius with an ensuing "gasp of shock") So when I was offered three(3) opportunities to aquire tickets to this event I had to consider the idea that the universe was setting me up for something fun.

It was a royal hoot, and without giving too much away (or being lazy because I want to wrap this month up) check it out yourself and go. It's truly worth the admission.

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June 22nd- 2007
If you See THIS Kite at Belmont Shore come over and say "Hi", that is, if you can walk on water . . .
What doesn't kill us
makes us . . . Walk funny~

I said I was going to do it, and I did it. The wind was all wrong, blowing onshore with such a severity as to threaten me with a class A knee-burning beach drag to the parking lot, but I braved it anyway and for the first time I got my ass out of the water and was kitesurfing across the Pacific for more than 15 seconds. I'm not a religeous man, but I was singing praises the moment I realized I was both standing, and moving in a westerly direction by the force of my kite. It's hard to imagine (or maybe not) being in a relationship with an entity that both brings you the greatest thrill you've ever known, while at the same time threatens to bash your head in the sand, sever your limbs or better yet, drown you. Such is the relationship between a boy and his kite. Voltile yes, but both the joy and the pain are exquisite.

To make sure my flight to the southern end of the shore wasn't a one-time fluke I got up and did it again and again and again. I was so excited, and thrilled to actually figure it out after all this time. For those of you who haven't read the backblogs, I have been trying to teach myslef to kitesurf since August of 06~ So this cake has been a long time in the oven.

I am seriously considering playing hookie and heading back out for more, but my entire body is so sore from the experience I feel like I got hit by a car ( in the abs, arms and upper quads- oof!) and I'm limping like a lame duck. If I can drive, I'll give it a shot, but it doesn't look good.

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June 20th- 2007

Which way to the beach?
Tomorrow's Thursday, and tomorrow I'm heading back to Belmont Shore to try a whack at kiteboarding again. I haven't been back sinc my stingray incident, and I'm not so certain how I feel about trapsing back into the water again after such a dramatic event. It's hard to believe that it was over a month ago that I was incapacitated by a stingrays barb shot through the arch of my foot.

Part of my issue the last time was that I kept getting pushed out by other boarders who had little patience for someone who needed time to get their board on. Fathers teaching their Sons the basics of boarding, riding kiters steering toward me and turning within a few feet. None of these gave me the space I needed to get my butt out of the water.

That was a friday, and hopefully a Thursday afternoon will show fewer members of the group crowding the shores, and luckily, barring any venemous fish, I might just make personal history . . . .

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June 19th- 2007

Well my bags are packed, I'm ready to go . . .

In 1980 my sister came home from the far-away land of Colorado with a Baby. His name was Charles Luke, and we affectionately named him "Chuckie".
My sister Michelle and I took turns being the designated babysitters, and had a lot of fun playing young Auntie and Uncle to the red-headed ball of joy, that is until we learned that he was EVIL Very Very Evil!!!!!

Just kidding.
Chuckie is now 26 (OMG, I feel so freaking OLD saying that!) and has decided to get married. I just bought my plane tickets to N.Y. so I can attend the first of many OMG-I-Feel-like-such-a-geezer wedding involving my 7 nephews, all quickly apporaching breeding age.

Chuckie is my favorite, because we have shared so many connections on so many levels, and he's always been his own man, never afraid to tell me he disagreed with me, or to come to me and concede when he realized I've been right all along.

He's over 6 ft tall now (and as a matter of fact, so is his fiance) and very much a grown man, so how can I be anything but proud of the guy.

(Pictured here with his much shorter Uncle)
It is the season for weddings, so I'm off to witness the bonding of yet another pair of young people in love. Congratulations kids!

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June 17th- 2007

What's Wrong with Mr. Goteborg?

Bang and I got a new leather sofa from Room and Board this month (No picture enclosed) and now were trying to GIVE away the Ikea Goteborg that we have pictured here.

This Sofa has no visible tears or stains, but it is a little dingy from years of wear. I've put it on Craigslist and it's been seen by three different potentials, none of which ended up taking it.
The first was a vietnamese couple.The husband speakig with me in broken english, the wife, berrating him mercilessly over things I did not understand. They arrived with a van, spent a few minutes arguing over the thing, and then said "We'll take it". He then handed me $30 u.s.

Do I look like an idiot to you?
Had it been a better day, and had I been smarter, I would have thanked him, helped him load it in the van and callled it a day. Instead I was greedy, and reminded him that it was being offered for $80- not $30. it was kind of rude, I thought, to assume I'd be so dumb and just take the money. Bang said this is where he expected me to negotiate(It's an Assiann Thing), I didn't, and they left quietly. Looking back on it, I would have taken $50, but he didnt offer.

How to you stand up furniture?
The second viewer was a young black lesbian filmaker who assured me she wanted it and would be by on Friday. Friday came and went, but the couch did not.

The Last Resort- FREE!
I called "Out of the Closet Thrift Stores" and arranged a pickup. The driver took one look at it and turned me down. "WTF?" I excalimed "I thought beggars can't be choosers?" He said that if the store manager rejects it they have to spend money to get rid of it, and because it's not perfect, they know he won't take it. "If it was perfect I wouldn't be giving it away, would I?". He shok his head.
"It's a nice couch for christ sake!" I said, "It's in great shape, and totally modern!"
He shook his head.

I showed them the door.

I have two more potentials coming this evening to take a look at it, If neither of them takes it, I'm putting it on the front lawn with a sign on it. I just don't understand how Los Angeles got so Frigggin' picky!

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June 16th- 2007

No more living in sin
Brian and Eva were Bang's best friend when I met them. I though they were married already- when I found out they were not I accused them of "Living in Sin".

yesterday they got hitched officially and we all had such aa great time at their wedding.


Eva's Mom and Dad were there, as were brian's pareants and grandparents, they're all such great people and I hope to see them all again really soon.

I realized that weddings serve such a grander social purpose than just stating a commitment, they create a community of close friend, a network of people that can say "We were there, we witnessed". Now when Eva or Brian's family comes into conversation, I have a face to put to the story, or when they come to town, I'll feel better about joining them for dinner. I met them, I danced with them, and now we share the bond of witness. It's really a well thought-out rite of passage isn't it? The creation of a tribe . . .

Congratulations to Mr and Mrs. Brian Behrand- and good luck!

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June 11th- 2007

ALC 6, or Am I skinny yet?
I did the AIDS/Lifecycle ride again, and finished it happily. The only bad part I think is that the 585 mile challenge of riding from SF to LA is waning for me. I don't mean to sound all "fit for life" but I ride so much these days that multiple hundred-mile days don't feel much like a challenge anymore. The ride now seems more like a daily spin between rest stops, a "tour de California" if you will. If I didn't think the fundraising would be a royal bitch, I'd do other charity rides during the year to keep my momentum. I can't wait for ALC7, this year was a blast, and I love this stuff!

Is this thing on
One of my favorite parts of the ALC event is the day 5 talent show. This years show was a little unusual. I was gearing up for my standard stand-up routine, I've been writing material for this crowd all year long (tough gig, really ) and a few of my ALC friends were gearing up to perform as well. One of them was so excited, he was going to sing a love song for his new met-him-on-the-ride boyfriend.

I was told by the stage manager that I was going to go last because he heard I was really, REALLY funny(Damn self-started successful rumor mill) and that he wanted a BIG finish.
This dismayed me, because the stage manager should know that there's no such thing as a big finish with this crowd. I reminded him that the show peters out after 9 p.m. because the audience has been up since 4 in the morning,they're tired, they want to get to bed. The best idea would be to put all the fun acts in the front, and save the poets and interpretive dance peices for the die-hards who don't mind sleeping in their chairs.

Did he listen to me? No.

While we were were all standing (on the grass to the side of the platform that passes temporarily for) backstage waiting for our signal to go on, I noticed my friend getting teary-eyed. Let's call him BRUCE.

Me: "Bruce, what ever is the matter?"
Bruce: "The stage manager just told me I'm not going on."
me: "Did he tell you why?"
Bruce: "He said we didn't have enough time in the program"
Me: "Stay right here"
I then went over to the stage manager again, who rolled his eyes as he saw me approaching. My intention was to gracefully back out of the program. I know that if I went on late, with half the crowd gone to tent, it would give the appearance that I bombed. If I can't have a full house alert and happy, I'd just give my spot to Bruce.

S.M: "What?, no reallly WHAT?
Me: "My friend says you axed him from the program"
S.M. " What, you're telling me how to run my show again?"
Me: " No, I'm telling you that I'm passing, you can give my spot to Bruce"
S.M. (totally misinterpreting my intentions) "Oh, so your saying that unless I let him sing, you're going to quit and ruin my show?"
Me: (seeing a manipulative opportunity) "Wow, you catch on fast!- The singer stays in the show or I'm walking"
S.m. "Fine!- Bruce- Get over here!"

Bruce ran to the stage manager and stopped to hug me on the way- he went on next. Over the next few minutes, because of shifts in the line-up, the stage manager's assistant had to come to talk to me a few times. Bruce and others only saw someone with a headset and clipboard consulting with me, and after the reinstallment of Bruce's spot, assumed I ran the show. As you can imagine, I did NOTHING to confirm or deny such impressions.

The Enola Gay didn't bomb like I bombed . . .
I went on last, after Bradley Estrin and Bruce. I made the joke that I've never had so many people open for me before. As expected, what remained of the crowd barely had enough energy to cough, let alone laugh out loud, but I did get some compliments on my act the next day. In the end, to the smattering of applause, I exited stage left and made a bee-line for my tent, slipped my earplugs in and softly floated off to sleep. Good enough for me.

The important thing was that everyone won that night, and my best performance wasn't as a stand-up comic, but as a buddy throwing around his artificial weight to make sure we could all get a chance to shine. I hope Bruce's met-on-the-ride boyfriend was awake to appreciate it.

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